Notice:

Eliza is likely leaving Autistic Kitten, which means she is also leaving this blog. The other mods will still be here. She is sorry it has come to this, but she is tired of having so much hatred thrown at her on AK.


Q
hey, I sometimes hang out with high functioning people who are on the spectrum, and I was wondering if there are some good ways to tell them not to say certain things (like that theres no god when they're around christians) because sometimes they get yelled at, and thats not okay... :(
A

You could tell them to just let stupid people be stupid, and that not everyone wants to be corrected.


Q
Also, I don't really know how to talk to her about this - she's only been around me in calm environments before. She's been so great about everything, like the days I'm nonverbal, but I'm afraid that she wouldn't know what to do in a public place like that and I don't know how to warn her or tell her how to help.
Anonymous
A

Q
Hi, Kittens! I could use some advice. My girlfriend wants to take me to Niagara Falls (the NY side) when I visit her next month. It's an hour and a half away from where she lives, so it isn't too long of a drive, and I want to see it. But I'm worried because it's a new public place and probably crowded and loud, and she wants to go on "a real date" and I don't want to disappoint her by having a meltdown or having to leave. If any of you have been there or have general tips, that would be great.
Anonymous
A

I’ve never been but I have know what you mean. My advice is to bring ear plugs. It is a tourist site, people will be doing weirder things. Or those big headphones that cover all your ear. It will muffle the sound and not look as strange. Since it is an hour you two can work out simple signs for things like “I have to go to the rest room.”

People wise, buy a snow globe. A small one, I bet they sell them there. When you get crowded shake the globe and watch the glitter or whatever settle. Easy to carry around, and less likely to leak then a Glitter Jar (which I highly recommend making anyway.) The movement of the glitter will calm you down. It works, I use my Glitter Jar for the same thing all the time. Like before going to the store.

-canvas-covered-watermelons


Q
Hi. I am about to go through a process to find out if I do have aspergers. For now, it seems like I do 100 percent but I shall be properly diagnosed soon. Anyway, I have an issue. I don't often find myself romantically interested in anyone, and so when a girl likes me, I will be honest and tell her I am flattered (apparently brutal honesty is a trait in aspies), but don't like her back. My honesty seems to get me into trouble, and they always seem to get very angry at me. Am I in the wrong?
A

Hello Love, being honest is a wonderful thing. As long as you let them done gently it should be fine. That way she will not get angry at you, and if they do, you know you let them know you do not want to be involved in a nice way. I hope this helps you

-Bee

No, you are absolutely not in the wrong. The ability to communicate disinterest and refusal is an asset for someone on the spectrum. It may hurt a few people’s feelings, but it hurts more to involve yourself, sexually or emotionally, when you do not want to. Trust me.

As for why you’re uninterested… you are probably asexual, aromantic, or both. (You can learn more about asexuality here.) Asexuality, contrary to popular belief, is not a product of your autism. Most autistics do experience sexual desire, and some act on it - although there’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t. It’s also possible that you do have sexual/romantic feelings, but you don’t want a relationship for reasons that have to do with Asperger’s. That’s okay, too.

Your lack of interest could go away as you get older. Or you could remain uninterested for the rest of your life. Either way, it’s best to just go with how YOU feel. It might make it easier for others to understand if you describe yourself as asexual/aromantic, but that’s up to you.

-annieundresta


Q
Hello Eliza and new mods! Today has been one of my off-days where I feel like I'm watching a video feed of life through a shitty connection, I just can't imagine interacting with people in conversation, I can't make eye contact (which I'm normally pretty good at remembering to do) because I feel like my eyes won't focus there, and I'm just stuck inside my own head. Is there a term for this? I'd like to be able to explain it instead of being chastised for being moody or in a daze? Thanks guys!
A

Unfortunately, there isn’t an official or commonly-used term for this within the autistic community; personally, I think there should be. I have seen a lot of autistic parents using the mantra “good days and bad days.” There’s also a forum about it at Wrong Planet, so you’re not alone.

Anyway… it’s likely that these fluctuations are at least partially dependent on the level of anxiety-provoking triggers you’ve been exposed to. Those could be social interaction, sensory exposures, large amounts of stress, etc. It depends on the person. In other words, it’s probably caused by external factors. It’s also possible that internal factors are involved. If you have depression, that could contribute. If your off-periods and on-periods occur for several days each, in a cycle, you could be bipolar. It’s not likely, but it’s something to consider.

Does anyone have a suggestion for what we could call this?

annieundresta 


To madsmadabout: Do not worry, for many people know this feeling well. You could describe this feeling as being ‘detached’, you feel like you are watching the world but you don’t feel like you are in the world, you are detached from the world.

-anasovillano

I am not sure if there is a specific term for this. The only thing I can really think of is deja vu. And I know that might not be the best answer but that is all I can think of, and find. I think a good word for it would be wonky. Which means off-center. If this makes you feel better I get the same wonky feeling too, so you are not alone Buttercup.

-Bee

Just tell people that you’re just not feeling like yourself that day.

-The Silent Girl

I definitely think there SHOULD be a term, but there isn’t. If I try to come up with one, it will just be cat-themed. X_X; Anyone have any ideas?

-Eliza


Q
I have a really hard time conveying emotion through text, and I'm not sure how to amend it (whether I feel emotion or not). People call me monotonous a lot. Any advice on how to sound more...emotional? Happy, even?
Anonymous
A

To Anonymous: Don’t worry about conveying emotions you don’t feel! Being monotonous isn’t really a bad thing

-anasovillano

Hey there Pet, I don’t fully understand your question, but I’ll answer it the best that I can.

I have the same issue, so I can relate. Finding the right words to say is hard. I suggest this tip. Since in english we have too many words for the same emotions, try to thing of the basics. Meaning, happy, sad,frightened, and mad. Try to think of those and put yourself into that emotion box you feel like. 

In writing do the same. Even if you don’t care if your cousin got a haircut just saying great shows emotion. To not sound the same try the synonumns for the word. Wonderful, fantasitic, etc.

I really hope I understood your question and that it helps!

-Bee

The key things here are body language and facial expressions. A good thing for anyone (esp. autistics) to know is how to use these. For example, crossed arms usually mean that the person is defensive, nail biting shows insecurity and locked ankles can show apprehension. A good way to show happiness (in face to face interaction) is to learn how to “full smile” voluntarily. This means smiling with your eyes. Practicing other facial expressions in the mirror is a really good idea. In text, use emoticons like :), :(, :. Hope I helped at all! 

-The Silent Girl


Q
I'm teaching a young boy with severe Autism. I try to use my words instead of expressions, and adopt the motions he uses to communicate. He doesn't like to talk, and he doesn't seem to listen much. Can you help me understand what I need to do to help him out? I feel like the environment may be too crowded, but I know very little of Autism. I'm sorry for the bother, and thank you very much for your time.
A

to chimerachick: Autistic children and autistic people in general are known for listening or paying attention to people, but not looking like it. So I wouldn’t be too concerned if the autistic student looks like he is daydreaming often. Also, being in a crowded environment, and loud noises, can cause stress for an autistic child. It might be an idea to make sure this child has a quiet area he can escape to before he becomes too distressed by these factors.

-anasovillano

Hello Dearie! It is good that use words, knowing for experience myself I cannot always figure out what someone means by expression. Find out what this boy likes. Most Autistic people have intense interest on a certain subject. Try to incorporate that interest into what you are teaching him. If he likes superheroes and you are doing math, for example try something like this. Instead of saying Sally has 10 apples and gave Jon five. How many are left? 

Instead say Captain America has 10 apples and gave Black Widow 5. How many are left.

And if the boy goes off and tells you the history of Captain America let him. Knowing you are listeing is a great asset.

As for it being crowded take him somewhere quiet where you will not be bothered. That way he does not get stressed and will focus on you.

Long answer I know but I hope this helps!

-Bee

I get very easily distracted, whether it’s by sounds, movements, or just the fact that people are around. It was worse when I was little. Every little thing felt threatening and I didn’t know how to express it. Maybe this child is suffering from the same issues. Like Bee,  I think it would help a lot to try and communicate with him about what he is interested in. The more you try to get him talking, and behave as he does, the more he’ll grow to trust you and feel comfortable enough to express himself. If it’s possible to work in a quieter place, try that, too. I feel confident he’ll notice the effort you’re trying to put into understanding his world, and grow and change because of your caring.

-Eliza

I don’t know much about this. Sorry! He might do better in a quieter place though. He might be getting sensory overload from a combination of the light, sounds and people.

-The Silent Girl


Q
Just thought I should tell you your link to anathantagonist does not work.
Anonymous
A

Thank you!

Damn. >.< I can’t seem to get it to. Did they change their name?


The co-mods have been chosen! :)

Everyone say hello to:

Canvas-covered-watermelons

anasovillano 

anatineantagonist

iwasthesilentgirl


Advice asks are open! :)